New Beginning

I had another procedure even amongst all the anxiety, unknown, and the terror of what could happen.

I had grown accustomed to my new baseline, my low level of anxiety at all times. I adjusted to having to lay in a specific position to sleep, had to sit in a specific way to feel comfortable and able to function. Sleeping a maximum of 4 to 5 hours at a time at getting up at least once a night. Having a glass of water next to my bed because I was always so thirsty at night. Having to take my Sertraline every day. Waking up severely tired. I even used Afrin in my nose to get a "good night" sleep, which consisted of about 8 hours of sleep, however I knew this would only be temporary and worse the next night due to the rebound congestion.

I was finally awarded 6 month, all expenses payed, to Dr. Nayak at Stanford University from Kaiser Permanente Nor Cal. I had been fighting with them for just about 1 year to be seen by Dr. Nayak, the ENS specialist working with Stanford University! Good thing I was awarded that referral because my life has definitely changed for the better! Everything is more enjoyable, more relaxed, and I am more aware of everything. For better or worse, I have to keep telling myself that this is my new life; I'm fixed. It brings me tremendous joy, however with it brings severe sadness as I have been suffering with ENS for more than 5 years of my life... essentially my whole undergraduate degree. I struggled so much in my life, potentially missed out on so many opportunities because of ENS. It is a terrible thing to happen.

One week after my RFA on my right turbinate and injection (temporary to see if the position and fit will be favorable) to the left turbinate - I felt different. Scared, of course, that I could develop ENS on my right turbinate of course. It doesn't seem I have any severe negative side-effects. I had the procedure on 08 Dec. 2017, almost 4.5 weeks ago. Some of the changes I have noticed:

Number one must be mental clarity. It is amazing how much this changed from my baseline with ENS. I did not really fully grasp the severity of how much anxiety and ENS destroys one's mental acuity, thought process, and memory. I really didn't think I had ENS badly, and I really didn't have it nearly as severely as others. And I am so grateful. For example, I am able to clearly think about my day's agenda, what I will do several steps in advance. Like what I was capable of doing prior to my initial surgery in 2012. I can sit and actually think about something, like enjoy thinking about an object, an idea, a theoretical thought that I otherwise would never be able to contemplate. Making decisions clearly, having a conversation with someone, or interacting like a human... something I had to literally retrain myself to do with ENS. All different now. But I was so used to it, used to my old ways, how I coped with every day life. I lived moment by moment, not really able to concentrate on my future or anything really. But I can now.



I feel like I have another chance in life.